I love myself, and I love oiling up my ass.
I have always been about the neck-up beauty routine. But I went many, many years without oiling up my ass. And now that I am doing it daily, I can’t help but wonder how different my life would be if I had been oiling my ass this whole damn time. I wasn't ready yet, and that's okay.
I remember watching Jersey Shore in 2009 and watching Snooki’s “pre-smash” routine, which included lotioning up her ass. I was intrigued, but intimidated.
Then, when comedian Rhea Butcher was a guest on Natch Beaut, we discussed post-shower routines. They confessed that they basically don’t have one (meaning, no lotion.) They said that they come from a long lineage of dry, itchy people. I related to this whole-heartedly. I realized in that conversation that I have never been a big lotion-user, despite always having dry skin and itchy legs/ass. So why didn’t I lotion up?
After soul-searching, I came to two conclusions. One, I found the lotioning up process tedious and, oftentimes, my post-shower routine is rushed, and two- I didn’t think I deserved it. Which, if we’re being honest, conclusion one is just an excuse- I wasn’t making the time to oil up my ass cause I didn’t think I deserved the time to oil up my ass.
As a 34 year-old woman going through a divorce, I signed up for therapy for the first time in my life. That is when I realized that not only was I not happy, but I didn’t think I deserved to be. I didn’t think I deserved to oil up my ass.
But that has all changed now. Like a Phoenix from the ashes, the dry, itchy, and unhappy Jackie has been rejuvenated into New Jackie. New Jackie is always hydrated and New Jackie always has an oiled-up ass.
So here I am, New Jackie. New Jackie oils up her ass every day and lives her best life. Oiling my ass (and the rest of my body, but truly the most joy comes from oiling up my ass) has become such an empowering ritual. It makes me feel sexy, powerful, and confident. Even if it’s covered up with jeans, I love knowing that underneath that denim, I have a plump, hydrated, and beloved ass.
Oiling up your ass is the ultimate ritual of self-love. I love my ass. I am proud of my ass. My ass deserves oil. And I am happy I have realized this.
So now that I’ve explained to you the joy I am getting from oiling up my ass, here are the top products I am using to oil up my ass.
On Natch Beaut, my mission is to showcase independent, women-owned brands, because like Erin Gibson said so perfectly on Natch Beaut, we want other women to get rich off of women.
So all these products are from woman-owned brands. Also, I know these aren’t the most affordable products, but like I said, I’m pushing 35, going through a divorce, and am truly living by the creed “Treat Yo Self” these days. Do you and make purchases that work for you, and love yourself!
Graydon Intimacy Oil
This is my absolute top current fave for oiling up my ass. First off, it is a lovely product physically. When a product looks sexy, I am more likely to grab for it in the sea of bottles on your nightstand. I was so drawn to the color, which reminds me of Walter White’s blue meth in the best way. Graydon, the owner and titular woman of the brand, uses the sensual blue tansy to achieve this. If you don’t know what blue tansy is, I got you- it’s a flower! And also, a skincare ingredient truly having a moment right now. There’s a lot of fascinating properties to it (like if ingested, it’s poisonous!) and I won’t pretend to know them all, so if you are curious, my advice is to look it up, sweetie. Anyway, this oil is lightweight, fast-absorbing, luxurious AF, and truly special. Graydon told me she named it Intimacy oil because she wanted a product she could use on her skin that made her happy to touch HERSELF. Now, if this isn’t screaming “The perfect product to oil up your ass,” I seriously don’t know what is.
OSEA Malibu anti-aging body balm
I am truly obsessed with this product. I remember when I first got introduced to OSEA (the founder and the CEO of the company, Jenefer and Melissa Palmer, have been on Natch Beaut and absolutely slayed) the Esthetician said to me “oh, and you HAVE to take an anti-aging body balm- it’s one of our top products.” Well, honey, I believe it. Pump some of this delicious balm into your palms, and it truly feels like liquid silk. It leaves your skin with a beautiful, dewy sheen and every ingredient in this is nourishing and impactful (like OSEA’s signature ingredient- sustainably sourced organic Patagonian seaweed)- all killer no filler. I could go be an extra in a sexy music video after slathering this all over my body (and ass) and I would fit right in. I feel sexy as hell with this all over me. I also love it on my inner thighs and titty area, if I’m being honest. OSEA is a proud sponsor of Natch Beaut, which means if you use code NATCH at checkout, you will get 10 dollars off your purchase of 50 dollars or more!
Code of Harmony Alchemy Lux Body Oil Serum
Code of Harmony is a bad ass brand. First off, Janet, the founder, has the most beautiful skin you’ve ever seen (She’s also an Esthetician, so she walks the walk.) I met her at Indie Beauty Expo, where her war paint remover oil cleanser won the best in Beauty award for best cleanser, which is NOT an easy win.
Her products are really special, thoughtful, and delicious. This oil and her whole product line is infused with CBD, which she has been using since before it was cool. You’ve truly never lived your best life till you’ve stepped out of the shower, put on some Lizzo, and slathered this oil on as the CBD soaks directly into your ass. It’s heaven. I have been on a mission to soften up my skin, and guess what? Mission accomplished!
Carter and Jane The Everything Oil Body
I don’t think I’ve ever used up a product as fast as I did this oil. My bottle is empty and I have kept it as an urn-like shrine to the memories I had slathering this on my ass all summer. RIP. It was just so damn yummy and felt so good on my body/arms/ass, I couldn’t get enough. The founders Susan and Sara (besties turned beauty execs) picked the perfect name for this, cause it truly does everything and can be used for pretty much anything- to moisturize that bod, to hydrate your hair, to nourish your cuticles; you could even use it as your fragrance cause it basically is a low-key perfume (sweet orange, neroli, bergamot, ylang ylang, and frankincense- these are all my fave oils honestly.) I had a squeaky door and put some on the hinge, and it cured it. This does it all! BTW, that is a joke- I would never waste this coveted posession on a door- every last drop of this went on my ass. Plus the white dropper bottle is iconic.
I hope this was helpful and empowering for y’all. I want everyone out there to find power in taking more intimate care of yourself, whatever that means to you. That might be meditating, or sitting down and paying bills.
But for New Jackie, it means oiling up my ass, and I’m having a damn ball doing it.